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What “They” Think Doesn't Matter!

Writer's picture: Trini ShermanTrini Sherman


How many times have you delayed taking action because you were worried about what “they” think? But who exactly is “they”? Sometimes it’s your family—your spouse, your children, your parents (oh, and do they have opinions). Other times, “they” might be your friends, people on social media, coworkers, or even strangers on the street. The most intrusive and insidious "they" can be your own mind chatter, living rent-free in your head, reminding you about what they think, say and do. But why does the opinion of others matter so much?


For the longest time, I thought I wasn’t influenced by what others thought. Then I started doing the work of transformation—healing, reinvention, and purpose fulfillment. When you commit to The Work—the deep work that digs to the root, uncovers truths, and helps you rise into your best self—you discover some mind-blowing realizations. And yes, blowing your mind is a good thing because our unexamined minds often keep us stuck in unhealthy cycles until we learn to master our thoughts.


Here’s the deal: What you think determines how you feel, which drives your actions and ultimately shapes your results. Yet, we often obsess over results—creating goals, analyzing outcomes, and devising strategies—without addressing the root of the issue: our thoughts. And so, we stay stuck, overwhelmed, and disappointed, losing hope that our deepest desires will ever come to fruition.


We lose hope that the pain will ease. That our relationships will bring joy instead of heartache. That our careers will fulfill us instead of leaving us drained. And behind it all is that nagging voice: “What will they think?” “How do I look (to them)?” “Will they think I’m too much? Too forceful? Too different? Too aggressive”


What if you stopped considering what others think and started living for what you truly desire?


What if your mind was free to explore your true desires, free of negative judgments, and free to focus on how much power you have to create your REAL dreams?


Yes, Real Dreams. Those from within, not those created by the conformity to the world's standards. What if?


Even with all the work I’ve done, the opinions of others still float around in my subconscious and conscious mind. Transformation doesn’t erase our humanity. We’ve been conditioned to rely on external validation as our guiding light. Breaking free from the control of this conditioning requires vigilance, awareness, and a commitment to living authentically.


I was reminded of this last night. I meet regularly with my coach and mastermind group to share insights and reflections. A few nights ago, I wore a cozy pullover my coach had gifted us for Christmas. It’s a fluffy, off-white piece that feels like being wrapped in a hug. When I got ready for our next call, I realized I was wearing the same pullover again. And that’s when “they” showed up in my head.


“You wore that last night,” the voice whispered. I felt embarrassed. I darted to my closet to change. But here’s the beauty of doing The Work: I caught myself. I realized I was about to change—not because I wanted to, but because of a perceived judgment that someone might notice and think less of me.


So, I stopped. I kept the pullover on. Yet, during the call, my mind continued to spiral. I felt physical discomfort, a lingering shame over the repeated outfit. But instead of giving in, I observed. I watched my thoughts and feelings without judgment. It was fascinating to see how deeply ingrained this conditioning is—how easily it hijacked my peace.


Then I spoke up. I shared what was going on in my head. I laughed at myself and put it out there to the group. Risking judgment, yes, but knowing I was among brilliant women who are also doing The Work of transformation. These women are my circle—a space where I can show up as both human and brilliant. And do you know what happened? One person admitted she wished she’d worn hers too. Another said she hadn’t even noticed.


This experience reminded me of a truth we all need to embrace: Most of the time, people aren’t even paying attention. We spend so much energy worrying about what others think, yet their focus is often elsewhere... on themselves or their version of "they."


And even if they do notice, their judgments don’t define us. What truly tips the scale to a fulfilled life is one lovingly chosen by YOUR soul.


If we let “they” dictate our choices, we risk leaving this earth with our greatest potential locked away, untouched and unrealized. Instead, I invite you to become the observer of your own thoughts. Notice when “they” show up. Challenge the conditioning. And choose to live boldly, authentically, and on your own terms.


You are brilliant. It’s time to trust yourself, do the work to break free from external expectations, and create the life you’ve been designed to live. The world needs your unique brilliance. We are waiting for you.


Below are 5 ways to stop "They" from dictating your actions and ultimately your results:


1. Identify Who "They" Are

Get specific. Who or what exactly is influencing your thoughts? Is it family, friends, colleagues, social media, or even an old belief you've carried since childhood? When you name "they," you take away their power to operate in the shadows of your mind. Exposing the pattern empowers you to make the change that brings you joy.


2. Question the Thought, Not Just the Feeling

When you feel hesitant or self-conscious, pause and ask: What am I really afraid of? Is this thought even true? Often, we assume judgment that isn’t actually there. Most people aren’t focused on us—they’re caught up in their own version of “they.”

Remember, what's going on in someone else's mind is none of your business and will only hold you captive; far away from your REAL dreams..


3. Redirect Your Focus to Your Desires

Instead of wondering “What will they think?” ask “What do I truly want?” Shifting from external validation to internal alignment changes everything. When you act from your desires, you reclaim your power.

Sometimes the hardest question to ask yourself is, "What do I want?" Try it out and see.


4. Take Small Acts of Defiance

Break free from the conditioning little by little. Wear the same outfit two days in a row. Speak up in a meeting even if your voice shakes. Post that content without over-editing. Each small act rewires your mind to trust you over them.

Challenge yourself to intentionally take action that others may judge. This is empowering.


5. Surround Yourself with People Who Champion You

Find people who celebrate your brilliance and call you higher. Having a supportive circle—like my mastermind group—creates a space where you can show up fully, without performing for approval.

This journey of life was meant to be shared with supportive people. Find your tribe.


At the end of the day, they don’t get to dictate your life—you do. So, which of these steps will you start practicing today? Let me know in the comments! ⬇️✨


 

Your brilliance is undeniable, and the world is waiting for you to step into your full power. As you reflect on today’s message, I invite you to: Put a plan in place to let your authentic voice be your full-time guide.


If you're ready to walk into your fullest potential and create the life you’ve always imagined, I’m here to partner with you. Subscribe to this blog for regular inspiration, insights, and practical tools to inspire you on your journey.


Want to connect and explore what’s possible for your next chapter?

Then, Book a Call and let’s begin silencing the voices that do not serve you. Your transformation starts here—because you deserve to live a life of impact, influence, and fulfillment.

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Your brilliance is undeniable, and the world is waiting for you to step into your full power. As you reflect on today’s message, ask yourself: What’s the bridge I need to cross to reach my next level?

If you're ready to walk into your fullest potential and create the life you’ve always imagined, I’m here to partner with you. Subscribe to this blog for regular inspiration, insights, and practical tools to help you on your journey.

Let’s connect and explore what’s possible for your next chapter. Your transformation starts here—because you deserve to live a life of impact, influence, and fulfillment.

Subscribe Here or Book a Call and let’s begin building your bridge together.

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© 2025 by Trini K Sherman. All rights reserved.

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